We have a...

HEARTBEAT!!!!
Today has been a roller coaster of emotions but ended very well! This morning I went to the bathroom and noticed some pink spotting. I started screaming and balling hysterically right there on the toilet and Brian had to calm me down. I just knew it was over. So I called my Dr. to see if they had an opening sooner but they didn't. I did talk to a nurse though who made me feel better. There was no cramping and it was just very light pink so she was not worried. She told me to put my feet up and wait for my appt. That was the longest 3 hours of my life (my appt. was at 215)! Brian played a few card games with me to pass the time and every time I went to the bathroom the spotting was less and less. I still had this horrible feeling that it was over. We got to the appt. and almost couldn't find the place because he practices at a few different offices and we had never been to this one. We finally made it and then had to wait about a half an hour to be called back. My Dr. came in the u/s room and was very sweet. I started balling and saying how scared I was because of the spotting and he made me feel a little better. Then the u/s tech came in and I was relieved it was one of the same girls from my regular office and I know she is very nice and explains everything she sees. As soon as we saw the sac I knew it looked different than last time. I could actually see the baby and not just a little dot...then she said it! "There is the heartbeat!" Brian and I both started crying and I felt bad because my belly was shaking all over the place and I knew she wasn't getting a good picture. She showed us a close up of the heart beat and it was sooooo perfect! At first I didn't see it through my tears but then I did. Just a little flicker inside the bean. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen (so far I am sure!). For someone who has only ever seen ugly black holes...this one was the most beautiful black hole with a flickering bean I have ever seen! I am so relieved...but still cautious of course. They said they were not concerned about the spotting (which seems to be gone now anyway) because implantation happens pretty much the whole first trimester as the placenta grows and burrows in. They did not see any blood in the sac or in my uterus so they are happy with that and said everything looks perfect! I will be taking it easy though just to be safe. We did not get a heart rate because the machine at that office does not have a doppler but in 2 weeks at my next u/s I will be at my regular office and they will be able to measure it then. Ok now that I have written a book....here are my pics of my little bean!!!!

This one was where she zoomed in to show us the heart beat...
Thank you all for the prayers and support! Keep them coming!

Nervous rant...

Our first ultrasound is tomorrow. I am so scared. Everything feels right this time. I am on the meds, I feel more pregnant. It all feels different but at the same time all I know is how to miscarry. All I have ever seen on an ultrasound screen is an empty black hole with a teeny tiny speck that is perfectly still. I don't know how to see a heartbeat. I can't wrap my brain around the possibility that it will be there because I have never seen it. When all you know is loss it is so hard to imagine life. I know it will be there in my heart but my mind cannot even begin to comprehend the possibility. I know after tomorrow I will be able to relax...I just wish it was NOW so I can finally know what it is like to see a beating heart on an ultrasound screen.

**rant over**

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to give a quick update. I had my blood drawn again yesterday and I was praying I wouldn't have to have a horrible Christmas...and I didn't! I got great lab results again! My HCG was 5,509 and my progesterone is still good at 38. I will keep taking the progesterone to keep it up though. So far so good! For those of you that are curious my HCG rise is consistent for a healthy SINGLETON pregnancy! Everyone keeps asking if I think there are two in there and I am pretty sure there is one little miracle in there. I can't wait for next week to see that beautiful little heartbeat. I just know it will happen this time. It just has to. I am doing ok...really nauseous if I don't eat every two hours and even then it never completely goes away. It is ok though...believe me I am NOT complaining! I am embracing every symptom I can get...bring it on!

Blood work...

I had my first set of labs drawn on Monday and everything looked good. My HCG (pregnancy hormone) was 147.8 (the highest it has ever been this early) and my progesterone was 36. HCG is supposed to double every 48 hours or so and I had my second HCG and progesterone drawn today and so far so good!!! My HCG was 411! It went from 147.8 to 411 in 48 hours! I was expecting it to be around 300 so I am very pleased. My progesterone went down some from 36 on Monday to 27 today. It is still high enough (they want it over 20) and the nurse said it can fluctuate from day to day but she increased my progesterone pills to twice a day instead of once a day just to be safe. I am ok with that and we will do another HCG (per my request) and recheck the progesterone in a week. My first ultrasound is scheduled for Jan. 2 at 2:15!!! I will be almost 7 weeks. Fingers crossed we see a beautiful heartbeat!

I did have to yell at the nurse who called me though because she told me my progesterone level first and then took a pause before she told me my HCG and I thought it was going to be bad...then when I heard it was 411 I cried and said "don't do that to a pregnant woman!" I told her she scared me because she told me the progesterone first and from now on to tell me the HCG first! Anyway, I was able to let out my first sigh of relief today and hopefully more to come!

Merry Christmas to ME...

Well the last few weeks have been very busy for us. Last weekend Brian and I went car shopping. Friday afternoon Brian called me from work and said "so I have been thinking about when we should trade in the Wrangler." We had been planning on trading it in around springtime because it isn't much of a family vehicle. Then he went on to say "we might as well trade in the Liberty too." What! I guess he had been thinking about it for a while and we have heard that infant carseats are difficult in the Liberty because it makes the front seats have to scoot way up in order for it to fit in the back. Also, Brian has been wanting a pickup because he does a lot of work on projects on the house, etc. so we thought maybe trade the Wrangler for a different SUV and then in the Spring we would trade the Liberty for a pickup. So he came home and we went browsing...came home that evening and discussed our options and then went back Saturday and traded both!!! We went from an all JEEP family to an all Dodge Family!!!

Brian got a 2006 Dakota. It is in excellent condition and only 20,000 miles for being almost 3 years old.I was too lazy to pull it out of the garage for the pic...yes it actually fits in the garage with about 6 inches to spare! And I got a 2009 Journey!! I love it! It has third row seating that can be folded flat to make a big cargo area. In fact all the seats (including the front passenter) except the driver seat folds completely flat. There are storage compartments everywhere and even a cooler that holds soda cans and keeps them cold! It is so pretty and drives sooo smoothly!
Then when we were signing paperwork they told us that for upgrading to the extended warranty on the Journey that Chysler was going to send us a Garmin GPS! All of a sudden Brian says "aah crap!" He had already bought me one for Christmas! So I said well just take it back and I will use the free one. Then he said..."no because you will probably like the one I got you better because it is PINK!" So yeah, I am keeping the pink one and Brian is taking the free one. Brian let me have it early since I found out about it...here is my PINK Garmin!!Then Sunday we went to the Colts game at The Luke! We were in the end zone directly across from the window...this was our view of the skyline during the game! Very pretty!We also went out and cut down our Christmas tree...it was really nice to have a truck to haul it home in!
Here is Brian cutting off the net...with help from the dogs of course!Notice our angel ornaments for our three angels. And also mom had her knee replaced on Tuesday so we have been back and forth taking care of her. She is doing great and after this we are done with hospitals!

And last but not least the best Christmas present of all...
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I AM PREGNANT!!!!

It is still very early but I have to believe that this is THE ONE! This is the first time we are doing something different (treatment for my clotting factor) other than just hoping it sticks so I am very optimistic this time but obviously nervous and cautious as well. Normally I wouldn't announce being pregnant this early but after all I have been through I need all the prayers and support I can get. Merry Christmas to you all!!!!!!!