First week at home...

This last week has flown by! I can't believe it already. When I was pregnant I wanted the time to go by faster but now that she is here I want it to slow down! I want to remember every little moment. Right now Haylea is so sweet and calm. She only cries when she is hungry and that is only if I make her wait too long. She wakes up and squirms and grunts and tells me she is ready to eat and will wait for me to get ready. Breastfeeding is going really well now. In the beginning I was frustrated because it wasn't until day 4 that my milk came in. I know that doesn't seem like a long time but when you have a hungry baby and have nothing to offer it can be a little overwhelming. We did supplement with formula for a few days and she did well with it. I was afraid she wouldn't want breast milk after that but she took to it just fine when it came in.

Today we went for a weight check and she is coming back up to birth weight! She was 6lb 10 oz at birth and was 6lb 4oz when we left the hospital. She probably continued to drop since it was another day and a half before my milk came in and on Monday at our one week check up she was 6lb 2.5oz. Her pediatrician wanted us to come back today for a weight check just to make sure she was going up. Today she was 6lb 6oz! Almost back to birth weight! They want her to be back up by 2 weeks so we are well on our way.

Her cord fell off on Tuesday morning and I was so happy! I was afraid it was irritating her skin...it was so hard and the edges seemed sharp and I knew it couldn't be comfortable. The main part fell off but there is still a little inside that is drying up and hopefully comes all the way out soon so she can have her first tub bath!!

We are doing great and I have never felt so good. I am tired but it isn't really that bad. I do get plenty of sleep at night. Haylea sleeps very well. I think we have only had one night since coming home that she fussed a lot and I figured out that she just wanted to be rocked back to sleep after she eats. So since then I rock her for about 5 min after she eats and she is sound asleep. She will sleep at least 2 hours before she wakes up to eat and sometime I have to wake her up after 3 hours. I don't know how long I will do that. I always said I would never wake up my baby during the night to eat but for some reason I am afraid to let her go too long without eating...and also my boobs would explode if I did! So for now she is eating 2-3 times throughout the night but goes back to sleep easily and we all get to sleep...broken sleep but still sleep. That is enough for me. I try to get a nap each day but sometimes it is 8pm before I realize it.

Last night Brian gave me a great back massage and I took a hot bath and that relaxed me. I am totally amazed with my little girl. I knew when she was born that I would have this overwhelming emotion for her but I didn't realize how intense it would be. I still can't believe that we made her. She came from me and she is perfect. For once my body didn't fail me and produced the most precious little girl I have ever seen.

Here are a few of my favorite pics from our first week.

Introducing Haylea Irene Finch...

So it is the end of day 6 and I am just now getting around to posting our birth story! I have had it saved for the last 3 days trying to get the pictures organized and I never get a chance to finish! The days just fly by and there seems to be no time to do these little things. We are exhausted but so happy and amazed with our daughter. She is perfect in every way and we are loving getting to know her.

Monday evening 8/17 we went to the hospital for our induction. We got to the hospital at 6pm and got all hooked up to the monitor and got an IV started and labs drawn. Then I got the pill that would help to soften my cervix. The plan was to start pitocin in the morning around 7:30 am to start the labor process but during the night I started dilating and was having regular contractions. I couldn't feel most of them but they were showing up on the monitor. I went in dilated to 2 cm and had been that way for 3 weeks. The nurse checked me at 1130 pm and I had dilated to 3-4 cm. I had been a three before and sort of closed back up after my false labor at 36 weeks. I started getting more contractions and she checked me again at 3:30 am. I was 4-5 cm according to the nurse at that time and more effaced. She called my OB and they decided since I was progressing early to go ahead and start the pitocin to get things moving along faster. That was started then and she increased it every 30 minutes. I sort of stalled then with dilation but was getting stronger and stronger contractions. I called my family around 7:30 am to make sure they were on their way since I had progressed alreayd. My OB came in about 8 am and broke my water. I was still a good 4 cm according to her. As soon as my water was broken my contractions began to be more and more painful. I was checked again in an hour and still only4 and beginning to think it was going to be a long day. I had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep during the night so I started thinking about getting the epidural so I could rest before it was time and I was in so much pain during the contractions that I knew I wouldn't rest. I got the epidural at 9:15 am and was so happy! I couldn't even feel the contractions. Each time I was checked I was still 4 cm but effacing a little more each time. I was checked at about 11:30 am because I told the nurse I could feel some rectal pressure with each contraction. By then I could feel the pressure of the contractions but they weren't painful because of the epidural. Of course I was 4cm and so she had me turn on my side to try and see if a different position would put more pressure on my cervix. All of a sudden I could feel the contractions getting stronger and stronger and a lot more painful. The epidural was wearing off and the rectal pressure was getting more and more intense. I was starting to feel like I wanted to push but just 30 minutes ago I was just 4 cm so I thought there was no way I was that close. The nurse came in during a contraction and saw my pain and said she would check again. I thought she was crazy because she had JUST checked me. But her face said it all...I went from 4 cm to 9 in 30 minutes! She said I barely had a lip of cervix left. So she called my OB at about 12:30 (who was at the office 15 minutes away) and had her come asap. Before she checked me I had asked for her to call anesthesia to get another bolus of my epidural thinking it would still be a while but when I knew I was at 9cm I decided not to get it so that I could feel to push. I am really glad I did. So for about a half an hour I had to NOT PUSH during contractions until my OB got there. That was the hardest part. My body really wanted to push and the contractions weren't so bad but the urge to push was incredibly painful. Finally, she showed up at 1:00 pm and it was time. I think I pushed throuh 5 or 6 contractions. They were frustrating to me though because the contractions were kind of far apart...at least it seemed like an eternity, I am not sure exactly how far apart they were. I felt like each time waiting between them was just undoing all the progress I had done in the previous push. Finally my sister convinced me to use the mirror...I didn't want to at first but it helped so much! Seeing her start to crown really motivated me to use my pushes effectively. It was amazing watching every moment and when she was born she just melted my heart immediately. I scanned her for fingers and toes and hair...and of course made sure she was a girl! She had a few little cries but didn't really scream. She pinked up immediately though and was just so calm laying on my chest. Brian got to cut the cord and I just held her on my chest. I had a 2nd degree tear and my OB was stitching me up and honestly I didn't feel it one bit because I was so concentrated on my perfect little baby. I kept her on my chest for a while but the blanket was wet and I was afraid she was getting cold so I let them take her to the warmer and dry her off better and wrap her up. Brian got to hold her then too and I fell in love with him all over again seeing him so happy and in love with our daughter.

There are tons of pics...I had a very hard time narrowing it down to just these!

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the day I have dreamed of for so long. I can't believe it is here. I actually get to meet my little girl tomorrow. After all this time and all the pain we have had to go through I really can't believe it is going to happen. I am beyond nervous and scared and excited...and practically any emotion you can think of. I could hardly sleep last night and I don't know how I will sleep tonight in the hospital. I don't know what to expect and usually the unknown would scare me but in this situation I am just excited to see how everything will unfold. I never remember a time in my life where I didn't KNOW I wanted to be a mom and since the moment I realized Brian was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life I have wanted to make him a daddy. Going through our losses together and watching the world go on without us only made that desire for a baby stronger. It is finally our turn...and our lives will never be the same after tomorrow. Our little girl is worth all the wait and the pain we have been through. Yesterday evening I did my last heparin shot. I added up how many times I had to stick a needle in myself during this pregnancy and the grand total came to 284! That is not counting the 5 unsuccessful cycles before this one where I was on heparin "just in case." My belly is covered in bruises and let me tell you, heparin STINGS going in! But if I had to do it all over again I would do it in a heartbeat. What is a little prick and sting (x 284) compared to a precious little miracle?! She is totally worth every stick and everything I went through to get here. She is worth every ache and pain that comes with pregnancy. I really thought it was going to be harder than it was. I only gained a total of 14 pounds! I don't know how I kept it so low because it wasn't like I tried to cut back on the chocolate! Of course these last few weeks have been uncomfortable and painful especially at work and at night but not near as bad as it could have been. My whole family is amazed that I wasn't a complete hormonal crazy woman because...well...usually I am! But I felt so good and was so happy during this pregnancy that the crazy woman rarely came out. If you ask Brian he will say she came out more but really I think I did a good job keeping her in check! Hopefully exhaustion doesn't bring her back in the next few weeks.

So we are ready...I think! We have prepared for this day as much as we can and we will only know if we are truly ready when she comes. My next post will be our birth story! I can't wait to share it with everyone who has been so supportive of us and I thank you all for the prayers and support throughout this difficult journey. We couldn't have stayed as strong as we had to be if it weren't for the love and support of our friends and family. Now comes the fun part! We get to enjoy our little miracle.

Maternity Leave...

Yesterday was my LAST day of work! YAY! I was not scheduled until next Thursday and since I will be induced on Tuesday I am officially done! It was hard yesterday too so I am glad I didn't have to work later in the week and just got it over with. My ligaments hurt so bad when I have to walk and my back is constantly aching. It feels much better sitting here on my couch than working! And as far as the contractions...well they are gone again. They just like to come around and annoy me but not actually do anything worthwhile. I feel much better today...I am starting to feel like she is going to fall out when I walk though! I think she is ready! I just hope this week goes by fast and on Tuesday I will finally get to meet the little miracle we have only dreamed of for almost 3 years. I am anxious and nervous and don't know what to expect. I know it will be a day I will never forget and I can't wait to make that memory. I have no expectations on what I want to happen because I don't want to be disappointed if everything doesn't go perfectly...except for the ending of course! I don't care HOW she gets here, as long as she is safe and healthy. It actually feels a little surreal. I still can't imagine holding her and looking at her and knowing that she came from me. I can't wait for that feeling that everyone talks about when they see their child for the first time and touch them for the first time and look in that sweet face for the first time. I know it will be overwhelming emotion but I can't imagine how intense it will be. I have waited for that moment for so long. I can't wait to see the look on Brian's face when she is born. I can't wait for that first family moment with the three of us.

Is it Tuesday yet???

Induction...

So we have light at the end of the tunnel! If I don't go into labor on my own I will be induced Tuesday the 18th...a week from today! The main reason for being induced (everyone wants to know why!) is because I am still on heparin and they want me off of it for at least 12 hours before I can get an epidural and to cut down on blood loss. However, I have been contracting since yesterday evening so who knows if she will make her appearance before then. I skipped this morning's heparin dose just in case and we will see what the day brings. Will keep everyone updated as much as possible! Most likely these contractions are another false alarm because they aren't getting stronger. I am at work today...my LAST day! I am just down the hall from L&D so if I need anything they are right there...maybe, maybe not!

August...

I honestly can't believe I am still pregnant. I am due in 3 weeks!!! Haylea will be here THIS month! Sometimes I still have to remind myself that the baby I feel kicking me is actually going to be born...HEALTHY! I know I probably sound crazy but I look around at all the stuff we have around the house for her and her nursery and I still can't imagine that my baby will actually be using these things. We are ready for her. We have everything we need (I think!) and I am ready emotionally but still can't believe it is going to be a reality. I get so anxious when I think of hearing that first cry and just about what the birth experience is going to be like. I think we all know I am not good with the unknown but for some reason I have such a peace about waiting on her. I am anxious but calm and know it can be today or 3 weeks from today. I have no expectations because I know anything can happen so I am just excited to know when and how it will happen.

This last week when we thought she was coming early I was so excited but nervous because I wanted her to stay in at least one more week. It is so exciting to wake up everyday thinking "am I going to have a baby today?" I wonder if the contractions will come back at any time or if I will just be walking around and my water will break. I will be 37 weeks in 2 days and I will feel so much better...she will officially be TERM (according to my OB...some say 38) and she can come whenever she wants!!!! Who would have thought that *I* could ever carry to term? I am still amazed that my body knew what to do this time. For a while I honestly thought my body hated me and would never be up to the challenge. This pregnancy has been so much easier than I ever imagined it would be for me. I am getting really uncomfortable and I was really sick in the beginning but isn't that what it is all about? Isn't she worth it? YES! It could have been so much worse and all the bruises from my shots and anxiety and nervousness and pain and discomfort will all be completely worth it when I see that little face and hear that first cry.