And here we go again...

Yesterday's baseline ultrasound was perfect. Ovaries were nice and quiet so I started my Femara today...WAKE UP OVARIES!!! Tuesday I will start my Follistim and the Follicle scan will be the following Monday. I am not sure if the acupuncture has done anything or if it is in my head but I have been more relaxed and calm since Thursday. I don't know what it is but I just hope it stays this way! I have another appt. for acupuncture this week on Thursday. I am getting excited again and part of me is saying to not get my hopes up that this cycle will be the one but I also can't sit here and think the worst.
So that is where we are...ready to move on and try again.

Acupuncture...

Today has been a good day! I woke up to spotting which means the dreaded month break is over and I had my first acupuncture appt. and it really went well. I have been thinking about acupuncture for a while now and while I normally would be the first one to laugh at the idea, I have opened my mind up to different options because I feel it can't hurt and if it helps why not?! I found a place near me that specializes in fertility. I am not sure what to expect other than I hope it helps me to relax and ease some anxiety. Basically they say it helps to regulate the body and improve blood flow and stabilizes hormone levels. It has also been shown to help with follicle growth and increase the lining of the uterus. I guess it can't hurt and even if it is all in my mind if it makes me think it is working then it will ease my anxiety!

I will probably count tomorrow as CD 1 because today has been really light and spotty and I am sure tomorrow will be full heavy flow. I left a message with my RE to set up my baseline u/s for Saturday and to get my meds called in to my pharmacy. I have been really anxious but I just got home from my acupuncture appt. and I feel a little less anxious and more excited than stressed. It was only a partial treatment because the first half hour was just consultation this time but the next treatment next week will be the full hour. I was so relaxed and I didn't even feel the needles go in and if he hadn't told me I wouldn't have even known they were there! I am really interested to see if this at least helps with my anxiety and stress level but it should also help regulate all my hormones and all that good stuff. It was really interesting because this place specializes in fertility so he was very knowledgeable and we went over everything I have been through and what treatments we are doing with the RE and he seems confident that he can help. I hope so!!!!

As always I just want to thank everyone who comes and checks on me through my blog. That is the reason I started this and I know sometimes people don't know what to say or do to help me....heck, I don't even know what I need half the time. Sometimes just knowing that people are concerned and want to know what is going on is all I need and sometimes I just need a hug...even if it is a virtual one! Comments are always welcome on my blog and much appreciated as well as lots of prayers! I need all I can get.

So much for that...

The negative pregnancy tests and the fact that my period showed up yesterday pretty much confirms that I am not pregnant. I don't know what else there is to say. I thought for sure I was pregnant this time. I don't know why I let myself get all excited that I had 3 follicles. So basically it was a perfect wasted cycle and I don't understand why it didn't happen. We got pregnant three times in one year and now it will be at least a year before I even have a chance to be pregnant again. I have to take a cycle off to let my ovaries "rest" before we can do the meds again. I feel like we are wasting so much time. I hate feeling like we are just stuck in time and we can't move forward without having a baby. I feel like the whole world is having babies and raising their perfect little families and moving on without us. When will it be our turn???

Follicle Scan...

So my RE was shooting for 2-3 mature follies in the hopes of fertilizing one (or two!) Want to know how many I have????????

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THREE!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOO! I am sooo relieved! I thought I had either none again or way too many! I was so achy yesterday that I thought something was really wrong like there were 80 follicles or I had a huge cyst or something! NOPE! Just three nice and mature follies! I was so excited that my lefty decided to do something this cycle too. Two of the three cycles on just Femara it did nothing. I had two on my left...one was 18mm and the other was 17.5. Technically they say they want it to be 18 but she said 17.5 is close enough to call it! My right had one nice big one that was 21mm. I had my estriadol drawn and it was normal so I got to do the trigger shot last night. I didn't know what the estriadol was for and the nurse said it can tell you how many mature follies you have and they do it just to make sure what we see on ultrasound is the same as what the blood says...and it was. Anyway I am much more relieved now and in a few weeks we will know if it worked!

Part of me is so excited at the thought of being pregnant again but the other part of me remembers that getting there is only a fraction of the battle. I have to STAY pregnant! So I am thinking about all this and it hits me. What am I doing? Am I really ready to be pregnant again??? I want this more than anything but am I prepared for another possible miscarriage?? This whole time we have been trying since our last loss all I wanted was just to be pregnant again. Now there is no turning back. I have no idea what I will do when that stick turns pink again. Will it be excitement or immediate fear??? I am just scared now...BUT I know that I want that end result more than anything and all I can do now is take one day at a time and just wait to see what happens next!

Here we go again...

Well today is day 3 of my cycle and I started my meds this morning!!!! I was so excited to see my period come on Tuesday! Ha Ha! Who would have ever thought I would be happy to see that!?!?! I was so ready to get this cycle started. We are doing everything right this time and I just have a good feeling. No more endo in the way and being on all the right meds will make for the perfect environment for a little bean to settle in for a long time!

So I had a talk with my ovaries the other day. I had to have a baseline ultrasound yesterday to make sure I didn't have any cysts and that my ovaries were "quiet". They behaved nicely and were clear so we got the go ahead to start the meds. I started the Femara today and will take it through day 7. I will start the Follistim injections on Saturday, day 5, and take them once a day through day 10. Then day 11 (July 11th) I will have my follicle scan and some labs drawn. If all goes as planned I will do my trigger shot and ovulate next weekend! Of course it happens to be my weekend to work but we will just have to sneak some time in between for the baby makin'! Ha Ha

I feel really good about our plan and my RE said the only bad news is we may get two for one! I told him at this point that wouldn't be bad news for me. Of course I will be happy with one baby but I have always secretly wanted twins! We shall see! Wake up ovaries...time to grow some eggies!!!!