Our first angelversary...

A year ago today I was having a D&C after losing my first baby, Jordan. His/her due date has come and gone and I have lost 2 more babies since then and I just can't believe that I am still without a baby. I thought for sure this time last year that by now I would be holding a baby or at least pregnant with a healthy one. It has been a long, long year for me. There still seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I am 3 DPO today and for some reason I just have this horrible feeling that we have no chance of being pregnant right now. I started my heparin this morning and I just kept thinking that it was a waste because there is no way I am pregnant. I don't really have any reason to think that. Our timing was perfect. I guess I am just trying not to get my hopes up because I was sure I was pregnant last cycle and I was so sad when I wasn't. Today is going to be hard for me. The first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning was that a year ago my life was turned upside down. I had been so naiive to think it would never happen to me and when it did it was devastating. Still after that I thought well it can never happen twice...and it can never happen a third time. What makes me think that even if I do get pregnant again that I won't lose another? I am not ready to give up but I am terrified that I will have to go through the pain of another loss. But I have to try because I know the end result will be worth it to be holding my baby in my arms.

~~Happy Angelversary Jordan. Mommy and Daddy miss you and think about you every day. We only had you for a short time but you will be forever in our hearts.~~