Moving on...

So I am a little freaked out now! I went in to the appt. ready to talk about IUI (intrauterine insemination) and my RE was all set for IVF (in-vitro fertilization)! We talked about some things including my weight gain and my high risk for diabetes and he put me on metformin. I was thrilled with that idea and he said it should help me to lose weight and fight the insulin resistance. Then he asked how aggressive we wanted to be and I said (thinking moving on to IUI) whatever you think is best we are ready for. Then he said, well lets talk about IVF! I was like Oh I thought more like IUI first. I asked if it would be beneficial to do a SA (sperm analysis) even though I have been pregnant, something has obviously changed, whether it is me or him. He said that was a good idea and we will see what the results are and then decide from there which plan we will do, whether it is IUI or IVF. The problem now is that I made Brian an appt. for his SA and the earliest they can get him in is Monday...then it will take 2-3 days for the results. That puts it way too close to my period coming for my comfort. I am expecting it Wednesday or Thursday. Not much time to get used to the idea either way but I guess we will deal with it as it comes. I am fully expecting the SA to be normal so most likely we will be doing IUI. Brian and I also talked about trying on our own (with meds only) one more cycle since I am on the metformin and maybe that will be all we need. On one hand I think it would be a good idea because it will be cheaper because our insurance will cover it that way but not IUI. On the other hand I am so over all this that I just want to move on and do what is more likely to work!! I guess I have a week and a half to think about doing IUI or trying one last time on our own. That is of course if the SA is good. If not, there isn't a decision to make at all...it is on to IVF! So that is where I am...still confused!

I got nothing...

There isn't much to say. I am not pregnant. Again. We are taking a break for a while. I have an appointment with my RE on Oct 13 to discuss what is going on and what our options might be. I am going to take the time off to work on losing some weight. The only difference between 2007 when I got pregnant 3 times and 2008 when I can't get pregnant is about 20 pounds. After being pregnant and depressed 3 times back to back and then the 9 weeks I was confined to my couch after my foot surgeries I did gain weight. I need to try to get back to where I was when I was able to get pregnant. That is the only difference I can think of that is preventing us from getting pregnant now. I have to take a month off at least before starting a new cycle but I will see how I feel at the end of it and decide then if I want or need to wait even longer.

Not much else to say...I just wonder if it is ever going to happen for us.

Now we wait...

I went on Monday for my follicle scan and had three mature follicles again! I was nervous again that I wouldn't have any but my ovaries cooperated well! I was able to do the trigger shot to make me ovulate then and now we wait. This is the worst part about trying to have a baby. Waiting. It seems like that is all we do. Wait to start a cycle. Wait to ovulate. Wait to find out if we got pregnant. Nope...ok lets wait a whole month and start all over. I know it doesn't end with just getting pregnant either. Once I find out I am pregnant it is still a waiting game. Wait to see if my numbers double. Wait to see if I actually start getting nauseous. Wait to see if the nauseousness goes away. Wait for the all telling ultrasound at 8 weeks. Then once I see that beautiful heartbeat finally...I will have the longest wait of my life to finally hold my baby. I think then and only then is when I will finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief that all the waiting was worth it.

I think I am going to invent a pregnancy test that detects pregnancy right after conception. Forget this waiting two weeks crap. I could make millions! Really though...I find it so strange that for two weeks I could have a baby growing and not be able to tell. I hate that. I hate going through it being as cautious as I would if I were pregnant because who knows there might be a baby in there...and then it makes me feel so stupid at the end of the month when I am not pregnant and I could have enjoyed that margarita the night before! Yeah, we need to do something about this two week wait.

I guess until a new test is invented I just need to keep myself busy. Brian and I are going to Brown County this weekend and we rented a cute little cabin to stay in. It is a much needed relaxing weekend and it also happens to be Brian's birthday next week so we decided to get away and spend a quiet weekend together in the wilderness!

I also had another acupuncture appointment today. I think it is really helping me to relax. I have also came to the realization that my life is not in my control. That was a very hard concept for me to grasp. I don't like not being in control and not being able to do things my own way. My sister made me realize that is how I have always been. I have always wanted to do everything myself and my own way. This is just one obstacle I never thought I would have to deal with. All I can do is try and pray...and of course WAIT to see what happens next.

And here we go again...

Yesterday's baseline ultrasound was perfect. Ovaries were nice and quiet so I started my Femara today...WAKE UP OVARIES!!! Tuesday I will start my Follistim and the Follicle scan will be the following Monday. I am not sure if the acupuncture has done anything or if it is in my head but I have been more relaxed and calm since Thursday. I don't know what it is but I just hope it stays this way! I have another appt. for acupuncture this week on Thursday. I am getting excited again and part of me is saying to not get my hopes up that this cycle will be the one but I also can't sit here and think the worst.
So that is where we are...ready to move on and try again.

Acupuncture...

Today has been a good day! I woke up to spotting which means the dreaded month break is over and I had my first acupuncture appt. and it really went well. I have been thinking about acupuncture for a while now and while I normally would be the first one to laugh at the idea, I have opened my mind up to different options because I feel it can't hurt and if it helps why not?! I found a place near me that specializes in fertility. I am not sure what to expect other than I hope it helps me to relax and ease some anxiety. Basically they say it helps to regulate the body and improve blood flow and stabilizes hormone levels. It has also been shown to help with follicle growth and increase the lining of the uterus. I guess it can't hurt and even if it is all in my mind if it makes me think it is working then it will ease my anxiety!

I will probably count tomorrow as CD 1 because today has been really light and spotty and I am sure tomorrow will be full heavy flow. I left a message with my RE to set up my baseline u/s for Saturday and to get my meds called in to my pharmacy. I have been really anxious but I just got home from my acupuncture appt. and I feel a little less anxious and more excited than stressed. It was only a partial treatment because the first half hour was just consultation this time but the next treatment next week will be the full hour. I was so relaxed and I didn't even feel the needles go in and if he hadn't told me I wouldn't have even known they were there! I am really interested to see if this at least helps with my anxiety and stress level but it should also help regulate all my hormones and all that good stuff. It was really interesting because this place specializes in fertility so he was very knowledgeable and we went over everything I have been through and what treatments we are doing with the RE and he seems confident that he can help. I hope so!!!!

As always I just want to thank everyone who comes and checks on me through my blog. That is the reason I started this and I know sometimes people don't know what to say or do to help me....heck, I don't even know what I need half the time. Sometimes just knowing that people are concerned and want to know what is going on is all I need and sometimes I just need a hug...even if it is a virtual one! Comments are always welcome on my blog and much appreciated as well as lots of prayers! I need all I can get.