Again we wait...

Well first off, the sperm analysis came back completely normal. I wasn't surprised because I have been pregnant 3 times but since it has been a year I just wanted to make sure things haven't changed. Of course Brian knew it would be normal...he says he has super sperm. Doesn't every man think that! So that just confirms that I am the complete problem. I can't carry a baby and now I can't even get pregnant again to try to carry a baby. I am broken. My body has failed me and just to kick me while I am down it decided that a cyst on my ovary would be a good idea. Yep folks, I am forced to sit out yet another cycle because I have a stupid cyst on my right ovary. We finally decide to move on to something more aggressive (IUI) and I went in for my baseline ultrasound and there it was...an ugly, stupid cyst. And to top it off I get to take birth control! YAY! (sense the sarcasm?) The birth control will help to shrink the cyst and I have to go back in three weeks to check on the progress. I am praying that it will be gone and we only have to sit out one more cycle. It just seems so odd every morning to take a birth control pill when the one thing I want more than anything in the world is to be PREGNANT! I have actually prepared myself for the possibility of sitting out 2 cycles because the last time I was on birth control for my laparoscopy I spotted so much during that month that by the time my period was due I had no lining to shed and therefore never got a "flow" which is necessary in determining the exact cycle days to start meds. I had to sit out an extra cycle that time so I will not be surprised if it happens again.

Seriously, when will it be our turn? Why is it so easy for everyone else and we can't catch a break? I know it will be worth all the pain in the end when I am finally holding my baby but I am really over all of this. If one more person tells me to just relax and it will happen I will scream. If one more person tells me that they know someone who just stopped trying and got pregnant I will scream. People have to remember that just getting pregnant is only half the battle for me and I can't risk getting pregnant again without being on my meds to prevent another miscarriage...so therefore I CAN'T JUST STOP TRYING and see what happens. I don't get the luxury of just not preventing and hoping it will happen. I am just frustrated...