Would have been Father's Day...

Just when I think I am safe because I made it through Mother's day, here comes Father's day. I think I am taking this one harder than Mother's day for some reason. I feel bad for Brian because not only is he missing out on Father's day but he is also having to miss out on the birth of his son. Gabriel was due today. What a great Father's day gift that would have been. I can't imagine anything I could give him better than a child. I am so sorry that I can't. It is not his fault he doesn't have a child to hold today. He deserves to be a father today and every day.

I found this poem today and I thought it was perfect for Daddy from his Angels.

Happy Father's day my Daddy, from your Angel up above, I'm looking down on you today, and sending you my love. I know you still miss me, deep inside your heart, and if I had a choice, we would never be apart. I know you wish you could have changed things, and have me there with you, to keep mommy from crying, I know anything you would do. But I'm with the Father Daddy, and he rocks me in his arms. He tells me all about you, and keeps me safe from harm. He tells me someday we will be together, never again to be apart, and I know until I see you then, I will be inside your heart. ~Author Unknown

And one from Mommy to Gabriel:

Today is the due date
For you to be born.
But all I have is An emptiness to mourn.
Mommy's arms are empty With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is cold.

This should have been the time
For the anticipation of your arrival.
But no one seems to be remembering
To share in my grief or sorrow.
You were a life Created from love.
You were a gift
That was sent from above.

Why couldn't you join us
To become a family.
You'd have had parents who loved you
And whom I'm sure you'd adore.
But Mommy's arms are empty
With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is cold.

Father's Day is getting nearer.
The date we were told you would be here.
Instead of excitement, joy, and celebration, I shed yet another tear.
Your nursery is still empty.

There isn't a day that goes by
When I haven't thought of you.
Calculating how far along my pregnancy would be
Or how big my tummy would be getting, too.
But Mommy's arms are empty
With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is cold.

I know that you have gone
To a much better place.
Knowing that the grace of God
Is shining on your face.

I see another baby.
I think of you then, too.
Wondering what you'd have looked like
As you giggle, cry, and coo.
But I will never know these things
Because you will never be here.
But in my heart you'll always be
My baby, my angel, my dear.

It doesn't make it easier.
For the pain I have is still here.
I will never forget you, my little one.
That fact remains quite clear.
But Mommy's arms are empty
With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is still cold.


Ultrasound picture of Gabriel at 8 weeks. He was too tiny and too still but still perfect to me.