Our second angelversary...

A year ago today my life was again turned upside down when I lost our second baby, Skylar. It seems so surreal sitting here and realizing that it has already been a year. I thought for sure a year from then I would be at least pregnant with a healthy baby. Now here I sit with nothing but the memories of the short few days I knew I had Sklyar. I was only able to enjoy that pregnancy for 4 days before I found out that I would lose him/her. It was another 5 days before I actually did miscarry.

Why do I do this to myself...why do I remember these dates that most people would deem insignificant because the pregnancies never resulted in a baby to hold in my arms? Why? Well, because those babies made me a mother. Those babies are a part of my life whether they are in my arms or watching me from above. I have nothing to hold on to but those dates. June is an interesting one for me. I found out I was pregnant for the second time and miscarried a year ago today. I was pregnant again for a third time and due this June 15th, Father's Day. After three losses it seems that once I make it through one date there is always another date looming in the near future.

It is funny because I never got to the point where I was "showing" in any of my pregnancies but the moment I lost them I felt empty. I still feel empty and I can't wait to have that feeling back. Right now we are waiting for my next cycle to start trying again. We decided to wait one cycle after my surgery instead of trying right away. As much as I wanted to start right away I thought it was best to give my body time to heal. I am hoping in about 3 weeks we will be starting the meds. Time can't go quickly enough!

~~Dear Skylar~~
To the baby that I carried
But never saw your eyes
Or told you how much I loved you
Or ever to hear your cries.
You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for your coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was numbing.
My angel baby is who you are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.

~~Happy Angelversary Skylar. Mommy and Daddy miss you very much and you will always be a part of our family and a part of our hearts.~~