Moving on...but never forgetting

How does one "move on" after a loss...or three, but not forget? I feel this time off work has given me plenty of time to heal and I feel more peace about losing my angels but what now? I am not looking forward to going back to work. I don't know why but I feel like I need a new start...somewhere where people don't know my history. But at the same time some of those people have been very supportive and I miss that. I wonder if people will think I am crazy for still grieving over my babies. I wonder if I seem depressed...I am not really depressed, just sad...it is hard to explain. I don't want people who read this blog to think I am depressed all the time! I know that is all I talk about here but it is because this is my release. It is how I get all the sad feelings out without burdening my family and friends everyday and making them feel like they have to say something to cheer me up. I am ok but sad...who wouldn't be?

I never want to forget my babies. I never want to pretend they didn't exist. I need to remember them. From the moment I found out I was pregnant each time I had plans and dreams for that baby that I will never get to see fulfilled. I dreamed about who he/she would look like and act like. Now I will never know...how is that supposed to not hurt? Coming up in the next few days is the due date for our second baby, Skylar. And April 3rd is the one year anniversary of when I officially lost our first baby, Jordan. The next few months will be hard as I get through those milestones and still not be pregnant with a healthy baby. Not that a new baby will in any way replace the three that I lost.

So how does one "move on" without forgetting? I got a fresh new haircut and I am getting a new puppy! I guess that is a start. I think the puppy will be a nice distraction in the next few months.

We are planning on planting a tree as a memorial for our babies. I haven't decided on the type of tree yet though. We also have our Willow Tree Angels that are on our mantle surrounding the Willow Tree couple that represent Brian and I. I know they are watching over us.