Waiting...

We have decided to wait until my May cycle to start trying. We wanted to make sure I had a couple of cycles after the D&C to heal. We also have to wait until I would have a due date not sooner than late January, early Feb of 2009. That seems soooo far away! The main reason is because right now I am off work because of my foot surgeries and I am taking all the FMLA time I have. I won't have another full 12 weeks to take if we don't wait a few months. I thought at first it would be easy to wait because I was so torn with the last loss that I didn't want to try again so soon. But now I am feeling better...I miss my babies like crazy but I feel that I am ready to "move on." I will never forget them but at the same time I am really ready to try for our miracle baby. I am terrified to miscarry again but you never know unless you try right? We will never have our baby unless we go for it head on. I have decided I am ready but now because of a technicality with work and FMLA rules we have to wait. How crappy is that! I can't wait to start this next process and see if it works. I am excited at the thought that it just might do the trick and the next pregnancy will be "the one" that makes it.

So in the meantime, what do I do with my time? I am still healing from my foot surgeries so I am home alone all day during the week. There are things I could be doing to pass the time...like finishing some scrapbooking. I always put that off because I really only have a couple of pages that need to be done but everytime I go up there to work on them I wish I had baby pics to do. I can't wait to scrap my baby's pics!!! I also could be working on the two afghans I had started to crochet but crocheting makes me tired and I am already so weak and tired all the time just from doing nothing all the time...I really need to recondition myself once I am able to walk again.

Anyway, here I sit...waiting to become a mother. Missing my babies and wondering if they are the only angels I will have or if I will have to send another one to join them. I pray that I don't.