Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the day I have dreamed of for so long. I can't believe it is here. I actually get to meet my little girl tomorrow. After all this time and all the pain we have had to go through I really can't believe it is going to happen. I am beyond nervous and scared and excited...and practically any emotion you can think of. I could hardly sleep last night and I don't know how I will sleep tonight in the hospital. I don't know what to expect and usually the unknown would scare me but in this situation I am just excited to see how everything will unfold. I never remember a time in my life where I didn't KNOW I wanted to be a mom and since the moment I realized Brian was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life I have wanted to make him a daddy. Going through our losses together and watching the world go on without us only made that desire for a baby stronger. It is finally our turn...and our lives will never be the same after tomorrow. Our little girl is worth all the wait and the pain we have been through. Yesterday evening I did my last heparin shot. I added up how many times I had to stick a needle in myself during this pregnancy and the grand total came to 284! That is not counting the 5 unsuccessful cycles before this one where I was on heparin "just in case." My belly is covered in bruises and let me tell you, heparin STINGS going in! But if I had to do it all over again I would do it in a heartbeat. What is a little prick and sting (x 284) compared to a precious little miracle?! She is totally worth every stick and everything I went through to get here. She is worth every ache and pain that comes with pregnancy. I really thought it was going to be harder than it was. I only gained a total of 14 pounds! I don't know how I kept it so low because it wasn't like I tried to cut back on the chocolate! Of course these last few weeks have been uncomfortable and painful especially at work and at night but not near as bad as it could have been. My whole family is amazed that I wasn't a complete hormonal crazy woman because...well...usually I am! But I felt so good and was so happy during this pregnancy that the crazy woman rarely came out. If you ask Brian he will say she came out more but really I think I did a good job keeping her in check! Hopefully exhaustion doesn't bring her back in the next few weeks.

So we are ready...I think! We have prepared for this day as much as we can and we will only know if we are truly ready when she comes. My next post will be our birth story! I can't wait to share it with everyone who has been so supportive of us and I thank you all for the prayers and support throughout this difficult journey. We couldn't have stayed as strong as we had to be if it weren't for the love and support of our friends and family. Now comes the fun part! We get to enjoy our little miracle.

Maternity Leave...

Yesterday was my LAST day of work! YAY! I was not scheduled until next Thursday and since I will be induced on Tuesday I am officially done! It was hard yesterday too so I am glad I didn't have to work later in the week and just got it over with. My ligaments hurt so bad when I have to walk and my back is constantly aching. It feels much better sitting here on my couch than working! And as far as the contractions...well they are gone again. They just like to come around and annoy me but not actually do anything worthwhile. I feel much better today...I am starting to feel like she is going to fall out when I walk though! I think she is ready! I just hope this week goes by fast and on Tuesday I will finally get to meet the little miracle we have only dreamed of for almost 3 years. I am anxious and nervous and don't know what to expect. I know it will be a day I will never forget and I can't wait to make that memory. I have no expectations on what I want to happen because I don't want to be disappointed if everything doesn't go perfectly...except for the ending of course! I don't care HOW she gets here, as long as she is safe and healthy. It actually feels a little surreal. I still can't imagine holding her and looking at her and knowing that she came from me. I can't wait for that feeling that everyone talks about when they see their child for the first time and touch them for the first time and look in that sweet face for the first time. I know it will be overwhelming emotion but I can't imagine how intense it will be. I have waited for that moment for so long. I can't wait to see the look on Brian's face when she is born. I can't wait for that first family moment with the three of us.

Is it Tuesday yet???

Induction...

So we have light at the end of the tunnel! If I don't go into labor on my own I will be induced Tuesday the 18th...a week from today! The main reason for being induced (everyone wants to know why!) is because I am still on heparin and they want me off of it for at least 12 hours before I can get an epidural and to cut down on blood loss. However, I have been contracting since yesterday evening so who knows if she will make her appearance before then. I skipped this morning's heparin dose just in case and we will see what the day brings. Will keep everyone updated as much as possible! Most likely these contractions are another false alarm because they aren't getting stronger. I am at work today...my LAST day! I am just down the hall from L&D so if I need anything they are right there...maybe, maybe not!

August...

I honestly can't believe I am still pregnant. I am due in 3 weeks!!! Haylea will be here THIS month! Sometimes I still have to remind myself that the baby I feel kicking me is actually going to be born...HEALTHY! I know I probably sound crazy but I look around at all the stuff we have around the house for her and her nursery and I still can't imagine that my baby will actually be using these things. We are ready for her. We have everything we need (I think!) and I am ready emotionally but still can't believe it is going to be a reality. I get so anxious when I think of hearing that first cry and just about what the birth experience is going to be like. I think we all know I am not good with the unknown but for some reason I have such a peace about waiting on her. I am anxious but calm and know it can be today or 3 weeks from today. I have no expectations because I know anything can happen so I am just excited to know when and how it will happen.

This last week when we thought she was coming early I was so excited but nervous because I wanted her to stay in at least one more week. It is so exciting to wake up everyday thinking "am I going to have a baby today?" I wonder if the contractions will come back at any time or if I will just be walking around and my water will break. I will be 37 weeks in 2 days and I will feel so much better...she will officially be TERM (according to my OB...some say 38) and she can come whenever she wants!!!! Who would have thought that *I* could ever carry to term? I am still amazed that my body knew what to do this time. For a while I honestly thought my body hated me and would never be up to the challenge. This pregnancy has been so much easier than I ever imagined it would be for me. I am getting really uncomfortable and I was really sick in the beginning but isn't that what it is all about? Isn't she worth it? YES! It could have been so much worse and all the bruises from my shots and anxiety and nervousness and pain and discomfort will all be completely worth it when I see that little face and hear that first cry.

36 weeks...

I had a non-stress test and growth ultrasound today and got a cervical check. NST went well...it wasn't her normal active time so it took longer for her to pass but she did just fine in the allotted time. Ultrasound was great as well...it was hard to see anything exciting because she is so cramped and facing my back...which is actually a good thing so I don't get back labor! She is in the 50th % for size so that is perfect. I was worried a little because she went from 75% at 27w to 65% at 32w and now 50% so her growth has slowed some but it is so close to the end that they aren't worried about her being too small and 50% is still great.

Then came the cervical check...yep, I am still only 3cm and long! I guess all those contractions I have been having all week didn't really matter after all. I have a feeling it will be a few more weeks. I am ok with that. I did get excited thinking she would come early and I am so anxious to meet her but I know she will be here when she is ready. I get to enjoy her all to myself for a few more weeks. The contractions are pretty random now anyway and aren't constant like they were unless I am up moving around too much so I think it was just practice. So not an exciting update but not bad either. She is doing well and that is all that matters.

Here is my 36 week belly!