Third Trimester...

I know I say things like this all the time but after all I have been through with losses I never thought I would actually ever be in the 3rd trimester!!!!! I am so amazed by my body right now. Before this pregnancy I really wondered if my body knew what to do or if it was even capable of carrying a baby to term. I wondered if I would ever be out of the first trimester let alone into the 3rd! When I made it to the second trimester I couldn't believe it and then we had the scare at 24 weeks with my cervix dilating and luckily that hasn't progressed but at the time I thought "well at least I made it to viability and we will have to take care of her on the outside if my body can't do it anymore". BUT, now that I am officially in the 3rd trimester I can't believe that my baby has a chance at making it to term!!! I am actually going to be delivering and bringing my baby home in 10-12 weeks!!!!!! It still doesn't feel real! Almost 3 years after beginning our journey I will finally have a healthy baby in my arms. I have to pinch myself sometimes to actually believe that it will happen.

These last weeks are going to go so slowly because I just can't wait to see her. I can't wait to hear her first cry and I can't wait to hold her and tell her that I am her mommy. BUT, I still want to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy because I know I will miss it when it is over. At the same time I just want it to be August already because I want proof that she will make it to term and through delivery with no complications. I hate the unknown. I hate not knowing the future and even though I have made it this far there is still so much that can go wrong. I can't shake that feeling because after being pregnant 4 times now I don't know what it is like to actually have a successful pregnancy. Yes, we made it past what caused me to miscarry the first three times but I still worry. I still freak out if I notice Haylea isn't as active one day and wonder if something is wrong in there. I wish I could just KNOW that she is resting and not worry about the what ifs. I don't know if it is because I have seen too much or because I have never experienced a pregnancy without loss. Probably a combination of both.

Fears aside, for the most part I really am enjoying this pregnancy. I do complain that I ache or that I am uncomfortable. I still get nauseous on occasion and I still have my fears but I really can't complain. I feel pretty good and I am happier than I have been in 2 years. I am tired and anxious but isn't that part of the excitement? If I felt totally normal then what would be the big deal about the whole pregnancy experience? I am loving all the changes going on in my body. I am loving seeing my belly grow and again, I am amazed that my body is actually doing what it is supposed to do! Who knew!?

The Price of Children...

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about price shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month,
* $171.08 a week.
* A mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is: don't have children if you want to be 'rich.' Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs,
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watch Saturday morning cartoons,
* go to Disney movies, and
* wish on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and
* coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat in history to witness the:
* First step,
* First word,
* First bra,
* First date,
* First time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great- grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing,criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God.You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

Phew...

My cervix is still the same as last week! WOOHOO! I was so afraid it would be more dilated today because of all I did this week (nesting like crazy!) but it is holding strong! Still about 1cm dilated externally but closed internally. Still nice and high and long so that is great news. Phew!!! I still have no restrictions (uh oh! let the nesting continue!) and she is comfortable letting me go 2 weeks before being checked again. I will be 27 weeks but we will just make that my 28 week appointment and do my growth ultrasound and glucose test...and I am assuming my rogham shot as well since I am RH-. So good news!

Oh and little miss Haylea was so funny when my Dr. was trying to get her heart rate on the doppler. We would hear like 3 beats and she would move and then she finally had had enough and kicked the doppler! Of course I started cracking up and she still couldn't hear because my belly was shaking all over the place! Funny...I guess you had to be there!

Dilation...

We had our 24 week appointment on Wednesday and it wasn't terrible news but it wasn't great either. I had an ultrasound to check my cervix because of my history of having a LEEP procedure a few years back (abnormal cells cut away from my cervix) and it showed that I am slightly dilated. My cervical length is 4.5 cm which is great and actually longer than it was at 20w (3.9 cm). The inside of my cervix on the baby side is still actually closed but the external OS is open slightly. I had an extra appointment 2 weeks ago because I had been cramping and she checked me then and I was completely closed so she was worried that this happened in just 2 weeks. I was actually having what I thought were contractions in the middle of the night that were 5-6 min apart for about 45 minutes and then I fell asleep so I don't know how long they actually lasted. I drank a whole gatorade before I fell asleep and they were gone when I woke up so I am pretty sure it was from being dehydrated. She was too nervous to let me work 12 hours on my feet today without being checked so I went in this morning to be checked and I am still the same as Wednesday. Fingertip to 1cm dilated on the external OS but still closed on the inside. She let me come to work today and I don't have any restrictions. She said this could be normal for me and that some women just dilate a little on the outside but it is usually with second or third babies. My cervix is still really long (didn't get a measurement today but she could feel it was long) so that is a good sign. She is going to check me again in a week. Hopefully this is a normal thing for me and does not progress but until next week I will be taking it easy just in case and calling if I have any contractions or anything unusual. I also thought I was having some contractions yesterday morning so I went in and they put me on the monitor for about an hour. I was cramping but nothing showed up on the monitor so they weren't contractions. I feel better about that because I am crampy a lot but at least now I know what I am feeling isn't contractions. Haylea was funny though because she kept kicking the monitor. You could hear her heart beat and all of a sudden a big WHOOSH. It was so weird to feel it and hear it at the same time. She was pretty annoyed.

So we will take it one week at a time and see if this is going to turn in to anything or just be a little scare and hopefully won't be a problem. The good thing is I am not contracting and my cervix is still nice and thick. Every week she stays put from now on makes a HUGE difference so we want her to keep baking! She also needs to start thinking about turning around before she runs out of room because right now her little butt is sitting right on my cervix. When we had the ultrasound on Wednesday we could see her little butt tucked right on the other side. It was kinda cute though...but she can't come out that way so she better be flippin around!

Viability...

24 weeks today! I can't believe it. This is by far the biggest milestone of this pregnancy. Officially, as of today, this pregnancy WILL NOT end in miscarriage!!!!!! Of course I want her to stay in for a lot longer but it is an amazing feeling after three miscarriages to be at a point where if my baby were to be born she would have a chance at survival! I have taken care of a lot of 24 weekers, some with great outcomes and some with not so great outcomes and I know that each week from now on that she stays put makes her chances that much better. I know there are lots of other bad things that can happen (It sucks when you know too much and have seen too much) but I try not to think about those things. I am in no way completely relaxed about this pregnancy but this milestone definately takes a HUGE weight off my shoulders.