Third Trimester...

I know I say things like this all the time but after all I have been through with losses I never thought I would actually ever be in the 3rd trimester!!!!! I am so amazed by my body right now. Before this pregnancy I really wondered if my body knew what to do or if it was even capable of carrying a baby to term. I wondered if I would ever be out of the first trimester let alone into the 3rd! When I made it to the second trimester I couldn't believe it and then we had the scare at 24 weeks with my cervix dilating and luckily that hasn't progressed but at the time I thought "well at least I made it to viability and we will have to take care of her on the outside if my body can't do it anymore". BUT, now that I am officially in the 3rd trimester I can't believe that my baby has a chance at making it to term!!! I am actually going to be delivering and bringing my baby home in 10-12 weeks!!!!!! It still doesn't feel real! Almost 3 years after beginning our journey I will finally have a healthy baby in my arms. I have to pinch myself sometimes to actually believe that it will happen.

These last weeks are going to go so slowly because I just can't wait to see her. I can't wait to hear her first cry and I can't wait to hold her and tell her that I am her mommy. BUT, I still want to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy because I know I will miss it when it is over. At the same time I just want it to be August already because I want proof that she will make it to term and through delivery with no complications. I hate the unknown. I hate not knowing the future and even though I have made it this far there is still so much that can go wrong. I can't shake that feeling because after being pregnant 4 times now I don't know what it is like to actually have a successful pregnancy. Yes, we made it past what caused me to miscarry the first three times but I still worry. I still freak out if I notice Haylea isn't as active one day and wonder if something is wrong in there. I wish I could just KNOW that she is resting and not worry about the what ifs. I don't know if it is because I have seen too much or because I have never experienced a pregnancy without loss. Probably a combination of both.

Fears aside, for the most part I really am enjoying this pregnancy. I do complain that I ache or that I am uncomfortable. I still get nauseous on occasion and I still have my fears but I really can't complain. I feel pretty good and I am happier than I have been in 2 years. I am tired and anxious but isn't that part of the excitement? If I felt totally normal then what would be the big deal about the whole pregnancy experience? I am loving all the changes going on in my body. I am loving seeing my belly grow and again, I am amazed that my body is actually doing what it is supposed to do! Who knew!?