Our Angels...and our Miracle...

Today is October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day. A day to remember our Angels, Jordan, Skylar and Gabriel. It is also a time to celebrate our Miracle, Haylea. She is 8 weeks old and thriving. We couldn't feel more blessed to have her in our lives. I don't know how I lived without her. She truly is my reason for waking up every morning. One of my favorite times with her is her 2am feeding because it is our alone time. It is quiet and peaceful and although she is partially asleep and probably isn't even aware of it, it is a special bonding time. It was during that feeding a few nights ago that I started thinking about all our babies. Even though we have Haylea, I still miss my Angels. I wish I could have all of them. Seeing how precious Haylea is just makes me miss them more. How could you not want more of her!? I know some people may think I have my baby now so why do I still miss my Angels. I have said it before and I will say it again. She is our Miracle and truly a blessing but in no way will she replace any one of our Angels. They are all different in my heart and I love them all the same...but differently.

Probably one of the worst things (there are many :) you can say to a mother who has lost a child is that it happened for a reason. Well, sure, it may have happened for a reason but that doesn't make the pain any less. I never cared what that reason was because it didn't matter to me...knowing there was a reason didn't bring them back to me and that is all I cared about. Now I look down at the precious face that is currently sleeping in my lap and I know. It doesn't make the pain of my losses easier, but now I know. I know that without them I wouldn't have Haylea. Yes, I would have another precious child but it wouldn't be her. She is the one that was meant to be for whatever reason. She has 3 guardian Angels who will forever watch over her and us.

As far as updates: Haylea is doing great. She has her 2 month appointment on Monday and I will update more then. She gets shots that day so we both are not excited about that! She is such an easy baby really and I keep thinking that we are so screwed! No one has two easy babies in a row so next time I will have a cranky baby and a toddler at the same time...Oy... There have been talks about when we will begin trying for #2. I already miss being preggo...I know I am crazy! We don't want to wait too long for the fear of it taking another 2 years and just because I don't want to! LOL We will wait at least a year though so that I can breastfeed because I can't take my meds while I am breastfeeding. A year is good though...that will give me lots of alone time with Haylea. However, if for some reason breastfeeding doesn't continue for a whole year we may re-evaluate how long we will wait. I just hope my supply cooperates when I go back to work...not looking forward to that by the way!